


Moments in Ipseity

by PocketGuideTyrant



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fanart, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-03-22 02:34:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3711598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PocketGuideTyrant/pseuds/PocketGuideTyrant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These moments were painted in words by SkyisGray. I'm only attempting to visualize them to ease the heart ache after reading the "Ipseity" series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Louie's

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SkyisGray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyisGray/gifts).



> They are really scene sketches. I should (will) do proper versions of them later.  
> You can also find me on [Tumblr](http://stuckypocketguide.tumblr.com/).

This scene is from [Chapter 6 of Chasm](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2062218/chapters/5220974) , where Steve is quizzing Bucky on how they get together in order to verify his identify. 

Bucky's answer: 

> “Took a few years.  We were dumb.  I was dumb, and scared,” he amends.  “Behind Louie’s.  We danced.” 
> 
> “No, that’s not it.  We were already together then,” Steve corrects. 
> 
> “No, that is it.  We went to Louie’s to dance, and I took you out back and we waltzed.  You followed,” Bucky insists. 

Whatever the reason might be, when I felt the strong urge to draw after reading "Chasm", this was the first scene came into my mind.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Rodney Street, Apartment 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve shared an apartment before the war on Rodney Street, Brooklyn.

Apartment 10 on Rodney became the focal point of Bucky's existence in "Ipseity". I haven't worked up the courage to draw its interior as Steve and Bucky remembered. So I started with something easier.

And I think Steve drew the name plate, instead of typing it. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to Wikipedia, the doorbell was invented by a Scott named William Murdoch in 1817 and electric doorbells became commonplace in early 1900s.


	3. Steve's Game

Another scene from Chapter 6 of Chasm, where Steve quizzes Bucky.

 

> “How’d you find out that I liked you?” Steve asks. 
> 
> “You told me first, because you were brave.  We were fourteen and fifteen.  We were watching my sister and she had these blocks,” Bucky recollects.  “They had letters on them, on all the sides.  And you spelt out, ‘I think I’m in love,’ and I asked you with who.  And then you had the ‘U’ block.  Fuck, Steve, your game,” Bucky laughs without meaning to.  Because it had felt so big and significant at the time – that he remembers – but now, looking back on their actions as babies nearly a century ago, he can’t believe some of it. 

 

 


	4. Brooklyn Baby

This is in fact my favourite scene from Chasm, if not the entire series.  

In [Chapter 5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2062218/chapters/5153558), Steve and Bucky are called in on an Avenger mission while they're out and about in the city. They're taking the subway back to the Stark tower.

 

> The car is packed and they have to stand, so Steve directs Bucky to grab the support pole.  He stands behind Bucky and loosely holds onto his waist for balance.
> 
> . . .
> 
> He leans forward and rests his chin on Bucky’s good shoulder, letting the sweep of Bucky’s hair obscure his face.  Bucky’s hair is growing long again, and Steve doesn't know if he’ll want to cut it or leave it this time. 
> 
> He smells clean, and his neck is always the softest part of him. 
> 
> “Ulterior motives in riding the subway?” Bucky asks quietly, his voice travelling a few inches to Steve’s ears alone. 
> 
> “No.  It really is the quickest way.  Stark can’t carry us both,” Steve says as he lifts his face apologetically.  Bucky lets go of the pole to reach behind him.  He gets his hand on the back of Steve’s head and yanks it back to his shoulder. 
> 
> Steve doesn’t move again, letting the swaying of the car push him against Bucky and then pull them apart over and over.  He can hear the music blaring from the headphones of the girl standing next to Bucky, and it’s slow and bluesy.  He catches some lyrics about the singer being a Brooklyn Baby. 
> 
> It almost feels like dancing. 
> 
>  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The New York City subway orange line has B, D and F trains. I chose F since it goes between Brooklyn and Queens and the boys were eating at a diner on the border between the boroughs. 
> 
> This is the first time I'm drawing so many people in a single frame. It was not easy! But I had fun doing it and hopefully it managed to capture the mood...


	5. November 24th, 1963

From [Chyetirye, Chapter 3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1815529/chapters/3970471). 

Bucky wakes up in a Dallas hotel in the afternoon of the JFK assassination and finds out the asset wanted him to go to New York.

 

> They’re doing this.  He knows they won’t get away with this for long and he’s not trying to properly escape.  He wouldn’t go somewhere so obvious if he were.  He just wants to see it again. 
> 
> No one bothers him on the bus, and he spends two days thinking about how and why the asset set this up.  Somehow, he got rid of the guards, knew that whoever surfaced would be drawn to New York, and set it in motion.  Why hadn’t he just gotten on the bus himself? 
> 
> A baby cries behind Bucky, and he thinks he has his answer.  Ah, right.  People.  Not the asset’s thing.    
> 
> After the sign says, ‘Welcome to New York,’ Bucky can’t stop jiggling his leg up and down.  Please let him make it before they catch him; please let him make it. 
> 
> He makes it. 

 

 

 I contemplated if I should draw the next scene or not. Then I thought, there is no better way to show Bucky's resilience than him facing one of his darkest moments. So here it is.

 

> He buys an apple from a grocer and continues walking.  It’s nearly dark now, but most of the apartments and stores are well-lit.  He relaxes a little in the dark; the fewer people who can see him, the less chance of someone realizing there’s a monster in their midst. 
> 
> Without meaning to, he makes his way out to the Brooklyn Bridge.  Being able to see a huge piece of Brooklyn from far away is just as nice as being able to see little pieces up close, and he walks out to the center of the bridge before sitting and dangling his feet.  He tosses the apple core into the East River and imagines that he can see it ripple the dark water below. 
> 
> Well, he thinks, this is it.  He’s seen Brooklyn again.  He’s seen his favorite places.  He’s walked his old paths.  He doesn’t need to go looking for any old friends or family, because he won’t do that to them.  He can stay dead to his ma and pop and Becks.
> 
> What to do now?  Should he wait to get collected, or should he go back to Department X on his own?  Or, maybe, possibly, he should jump into the East River.  
> 
>  
> 
> . . . 
> 
> He grabs a cable and pulls himself up to the rail using his metal arm.  The river looks wide and dark and very, very inviting.  And it seems so perfect and right, somehow, that he die in Brooklyn.   
> 
> He thinks about the asset paving the way for him to get here, and wonders again why he did that.  He’s not inclined to give favors, so he must have wanted something.  He wanted something in Brooklyn that made him defy Department X. 
> 
> What could he want in Brooklyn?  Bucky thinks about all the stories he’s told them, and then realizes that it’s just that.  He’s fed all three of them on stories about Brooklyn and the life he lived here.  The asset likes those stories too, as much as he tries to pretend that he doesn’t like anything.  He wanted…they wanted to come. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The slanted window can be seen on Greyhound buses in the [60s](http://www.bbhq.com/thennnow.htm) .
> 
> I think the buses look way cooler then.  
> The partial reflection of the lower Manhattan skyline came from this [photo ](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4038/4458538430_5beb8f636d_b.jpg)which taken from the direction of Queens in 1965 .
> 
> Some interesting facts about the Brooklyn bridge. Apparently the "necklace lights" that everyone is used to didn't come before November 1966. The beautiful lamp posts that I drew one of in the background of frame 2 are there from the beginning.


	6. Just making sure

From [Chapter 4 of Chasm](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2062218/chapters/5073179).

Steve wakes up early in the morning and finds Bucky in his bedroom. 

 

> Bucky is sitting on the floor next to Steve’s bed with his legs folded in front of him.  He looks uncomfortable, but not embarrassed, to have been caught, and he doesn’t try to move as Steve brings himself a few inches away from Bucky’s face. 
> 
> “What’s wrong?” Steve asks.  He hears the gravel in his voice, but he has to know immediately.  Bucky doesn’t come into his space like this anymore, so something’s going on. 
> 
> “Nothing.  Just making sure,” Bucky cuts himself off before he can finish the sentence. 
> 
> “I’m alive,” Steve promises quietly.  Bucky grimaces.   
> 
> “Obviously,” he huffs, and his tone is so familiar that Steve expects to see him roll his eyes.  When he doesn’t go through with the expected gesture, Steve’s chest feels a little emptier, and he reaches out and grabs Bucky’s arm on impulse.  He lifts it and slides his grip down to Bucky’s hand, which he pulls against his own neck.  He presses until he thinks that Bucky can feel Steve’s pulse resonating through his palm.
> 
> Bucky meets his eyes and they silently stare at each other, Bucky’s hand trapped loosely between Steve’s neck and Steve’s own hand, and Bucky bites his lip probably harder than the situation warrants. 
> 
> “Thanks,” he says finally.  Then, “how’d you know?” 


	7. Junction City

From Chapter 6 of Chasm. 

After many months on the run, Bucky is finally caught up by Steve in Junction City Oregon. 

 

 

> “And I don’t care what it takes.  I’ll run away again.  I’ll go back to Russia.  I’ll find another master.  But you can’t force them to go deep,” he tells Steve, laying it all out on the table. 
> 
> Steve looks at him and breathes, and Bucky breathes back.  He can hear traffic sounds from outside the hotel, because it’s on a major road.  One of his neighbors is watching television, porn by the sound of the music.  But it’s very quiet here in this space, and the silence marks the moment where everything is about to change for Bucky and the others.  One way or the other, Steve’s not letting them go without a hell of a fight. 
> 
>  


	8. Things I used to know

From [Chyetirye, Chapter 4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1815529/chapters/4063311)

After the Battle of Washington, Bucky is determined to protect Steve from further Hydra attacks. He plants himself on the rooftop across from Steve's apartment and watches him through his sniper rifle scope.

 

> None of these gestures - not even the wincing, sadly – are new.  He knows them all, but they’ve been forgotten and washed of their color with time. 
> 
> Steve gets up to grab something from the refrigerator, and he swings the door shut with his hip.
> 
> Bucky knows that move.
> 
> Steve carefully folds each paper along the creases when he finishes it, setting it aside for wrapping or rereading later.
> 
> And Bucky knows that move. 
> 
> Steve eats his snack and leaves the spoon hanging out of his mouth, getting distracted by the sports section and forgetting about the spoon for several minutes. 
> 
> And Bucky knows that move – has bopped him over the head and pulled the forgotten utensil out of his mouth, exchanging it for a kiss, no less than a dozen times. 
> 
> He remembers now.
> 
> ...
> 
> It’s too much for even the happiest man, and Bucky’s body isn’t built to hold happiness anymore.  It feels strange, like it’s leaking out of him the way Steve’s blood had seeped through the holes in his uniform.  He feels like he’s leaving puddles of unfamiliar excitement everywhere he goes, and he’s constantly on edge for someone to say, ‘That’s not for you; put it back.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have to admit, the series of events described in this chapter and the previous are the most plausible scenario post WS. They are so realistic and heart breaking. Make it canon pls!


	9. Between tall grass and wildflowers

From [Chapter 6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2062218/chapters/5220974) of Chasm.

Bucky is on the run, from Steve.

> The next time he stops, he parks the car on the side of the road and climbs over a wooden fence into a field.  His body is giving all the signs that it needs sleep – real sleep, without anyone on top – so he finds a spot on the ground to sleep for another hour or so.  There’s tall grass and wildflowers to hide him from the road, and if it’s a bit buggy, that’s not a huge deal. 
> 
> There were bugs in his early Department X cells.  He thinks, if it hadn’t been for Axel, he probably would have tried to befriend them. 
> 
>  


	10. A place of our own

As much as I hate to see Bucky being away from Steve, I think his independence and autonomy are the two most important aspects in his recovery, even though they might come at a hefty price. 

The two frames here are not directly linked to any specific passage, but all the elements are from [Chapter 6 of Chasm](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2062218/chapters/5220974). 

Hotplate: rescued by Axel

Aviator sunglasses: Yasha's

Smoke: Bucky

Books (from a library heist) and ipod: Bucky - but everyone reads

newspapers, celeb magazines and the spiral notebook (wrapped within): everyone

And Asset's gun is hidden under the sink.

The rest is pretty much head canon, like Bucky prefers to keep the trailer clean, especially the kitchen counter and sink, and he hates skimmed milk. The cactus is from Axel, but the saucer under the pot is added by Bucky. The soap bar and the dish are from one of girls they know as a housewarming gift. 

 

 

 

 


End file.
